Thursday, November 4, 2010

What Do You Want?! : The Quest

In the last post, I announced that I was going to begin my quest of finding out what Black men want. No, I am not being biased. I'm also interviewing Black women to found out what they want from their counterparts. Together, we're going to disperse myths, create realistic views and demystify the dating realm. 

These posts will be popping up soon! So, I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes about love. 

"Love, I find, is like singing. Everybody can do enough to satisfy themselves, though it may not impress the neighbors as being very much." -Zora Neale Hurston 


My friends have convinced me to give a preview of the "What Do You Want" profile by posting my own!

Name: Miss Emme
Age: 22
Occupation: Student
Hometown: Brooklyn, New York
Relationship Status: Single

What physical attributes attract you to a man?
Teeth, I love a great smile. A tall man is definitely preferred; so are warm eyes, smooth skin and basketball player's frame. I also like a strong sense of personal style. A man in a well-tailored suit always gets bonus points.

What intangible characteristics do you find important?
I value honesty and openness; and an intelligent man that can hold a conversation and leave me with something new. Generosity is very important, so is a quirky sense of humor. A gentlemen with confidence and ambition is very sexy.

What is your favorite thing about Black men?
Their strength and their ability to persevere.

Would you date men of other races? Why or why not?
I would. I've always been open to the idea. There's no particular reason why or why not.

If you could tell Black men everywhere the most perfect piece of advice, what would it be?
Give women everything that you want in return.

This one's for fun! If you could pick anyone in the world to take on a romantic date, who would it be?
I have three! Idris Elba, Common and Wale. They're each very different men. It'd be interesting to interact with them all.

There it is! The first "What Do You Want" profile. Let me know what you think!

bisou, bisou 
Miss Emme

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Laws of Attraction

"Do you really think that guys notice that?" My friend chuckled at that fact that women wear mascara and false lashes to make their eyes stand out and essentially seem more attractive. "Who told you that? A girl told you that?"

The discussion continued. He claimed men don't notice every tiny detail that women painstakingly pour over to make themselves appear a certain way. I argued that the details are what make up the big picture and overall appearance is rarely ignored by male or female. His simple, "Who told you that?," continued to ring in my head long after the conversation was over.

Who set the standards? Why do we really wear mascara? Who do we wear the mascara for? Now, don't get me wrong. I like to play in make-up as much as the next M.A.C. girl, but I never really questioned why I was wearing make-up. 

Everything from how women wear make-up and how we do our hair, to the tight jeans that show off the cheeks and the bra that pushes breasts into the heavens is a part of beautifying and enhancing ourselves. But for who? If the men don't notice the details, who do we dress up for? I know there is a slew of you saying that we do it for ourselves, to make ourselves feel good and to express ourselves outwardly. That's perfectly fine. However, our outward appearance does greatly affect how we feel. For instance a bad hair day can ruin any woman's mood whether or not anyone else seems to notice.

Appearance is an important part of attraction. It's the first few seconds that determine whether or not conversation will be held to find out what goes along with the facade. Women, especially those seeking out a partner, invest in that attraction. Lest we not forget that beauty is a multi-million dollar industry with Black women making sure that their "hair's done, nails done, everything did."

We continue to suck it, tuck it, sew it, push it, brush it, hide it and reveal it in order to pull the right man. If we have to do all of that, are we really attracting the right mate? What is a young Black man attracted to, anyway? And what attributes are going to help you get past the second date?

Thus, begins my quest! I am going to find out what it is that Black men want and share it with you all. What do you think?

bisou, bisou
Miss Emme

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Earth Girls Aren't Easy: The Weight for Love

Big. Thick. Fluffy. Plus-sized. These are just some of the names we are called or call ourselves; women larger than average size, according to standards set forth by different industries.

There seems to be a different set of rules when it comes to dating for the plus set or so it's thought. It's as if we can't have another single flaw, so that we can manage to offset our stature. One must be dressed to impressed, hair always styled, have the best personality in the room and be smarter and funnier than every pretty girl within a mile radius. Our selection of men is even smaller, having hopes that the fine man across the room is interested in bigger women. And we have to avoid the ever-roaming weirdo that is interested only in the novelty of our size. 
We don't have to confine ourselves to any one category of men. And we most certainly don't have to be grateful for every ounce of male attention we get. Though the media has a certain disdain for fuller figures and anyone considered overweight [check out Maura Kelly's Marie Claire article], the Black community has an appreciation for the more Rubenesque woman.

[It's evolved into an obsession with Black women everywhere disproportionately altering their bodies in glorification of tiny waists, wider hips, rounder backsides and large breasts that many of us were already born with, but I digress. That's another issue for another post on another blog.]

More Black men than we think are attracted to the abundance of curves and are interested in getting to know what is beyond the physical appearance. I still believe that a lot of men don't want to be classified as "chubby chasers" for dating a plus-sized woman, but that's neither here nor there.

The dating scene can provide the same amount of difficulty for any woman. Do you think plus-sized women have it harder in the dating world? Does the media dictate what we find attractive? Do bigger men get more love than bigger women? Just curious!

I say we big girls stay classy, stay beautiful and most of all stay ourselves. The glow is bound to attract the right one.

bisou, bisou
Miss Emme