Friday, October 22, 2010

Preferences & Pedestals

I mentioned that an article in the November issue of Essence is what sparked my interest in addressing Black women and relationships. Demetria L. Lucas, often referred to as the "Black Carrie Bradshaw," penned a piece entitled "Us vs. Them", questioning the reasons behind the dating preferences of Black men. 

Generally, the article pointed out that Black men tend to put women of other races on a pedestal and that there preferences were based on what they didn't like about Black women. I had to agree with Ms. Lucas. I have definitely come across the complaints of Black men wishing that Black women were more supportive like white women, more coddling like Latina women or subservient like Asian women. 

There is nothing wrong with an independent, opinionated, self-sufficient woman, period. There is something wrong with the fact that Black women get so much flack for having those attributes. We are not all finger-waving, neck-rolling, attitude-having harpies.

I brought the conversation to my friends, five other women and one man. There was one particular point that struck a chord for me. My friend brought up that men and women of other races are rarely ever caught up in downing their cultural counterparts in justification of their preferences. I have yet to come across the opposite, but often run into Black men looking for the "best race" to date and Black women considering dating outside of their race because Black men "ain't sh*t." 

And of course there is the standard of beauty issue. Are our men suffering from "Kardashian Syndrome," in love with long hair, lighter or fair skin and exotic features and not wanting to deal with scarf-wrapped head at night? Why are the cultural behaviors of other women so preferred? That leads me to wonder if Black men appreciate the cultural behaviors of their mothers, sisters and aunts? Better yet, what are they instilling into their daughters? 

I am partial to Black men, but have never completely dismissed men of other races. And I've never belittled a Black man to legitimize what I generally like about men. What's your preference? 

Finally, do Black men really insult us to exalt other races of women?

bisou, bisou
Miss Emme

Earth Girls Aren't Easy: The Shift

I guess talking about relationships and the dynamic between men and women in general is going to require me to be a bit candid, huh? Well, here goes nothing.

I was recently emancipated from a serious relationship of almost two years. I can't pinpoint the particular moment, but there was a shift. After we incurred the dreaded "break," there was a shift in communication, in priorities and the direction of the relationship.

I wanted the same things, but on my terms. Where I felt I couldn't express myself to him, I poured out to Twitter because deep down inside I knew what I had to say wouldn't lead to anything positive. I found interest in the happenings with other people, where I should've kept my interest in him. We had our problems, like any couple, but we were still invested. We eventually wanted to be married. He tried to be a good partner, but I was detached and he knew it. 

He was everything I wanted and everything I didn't want all wrapped in one. So here lies my question, why do women remain in relationships when instincts tell them otherwise? Are we afraid of sacrificing our relationships for our own feelings? And do we bury how we feel just to get by?

Looking back, I definitely believe the lingering is more painful to both parties than addressing the issues.

bisou, bisou
Miss Emme

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

One Last Romp?

I miss you, lovelies! I recently received a tweet from a fellow blogger, Mannie from, that really touched and inspired me. I really hope he doesn't mind me talking about him! He asked me if I had visited his site, which I do regularly [his growth has been amazing]. But what really hit home for me was when he told me that he never forgot that I inspired him to start. It was that simple. 

I was thinking about how amazing that is and then wondered to myself why I stopped writing. I was definitely tired of writing the entertainment randomness that I truly enjoyed, but everyone does it. I tried the natural hair stint and never got it off the ground. Mannie's comment and an article in the November issue of Essence [yes, I'm still reading Essence, don't beat me] about relationships inspired me to try a new route. 

J'adore Miss Emme is taking the relationship path. I recently got out of a serious relationship and it left me examining myself, my relationship and other issues surrounding Black women and love. So let's talk about love. Are you with me? 

bisou, bisou
Miss Emme