Natural Hair + Black Men= ?

In celebration of my first "Big Chop" anniversary, I wanted to touch on my experience with natural hair in the dating realm. When I first decided to transition from relaxed to natural hair, I was already in a serious relationship. My boyfriend was supportive of my choice as long as I didn't end up with a low ceasar. 

December 2009

I was concerned about growing my hair long enough before cutting off my relaxed ends. He expressed that I should practice the virtue of patience. I had only made it about five months before the scissors began to call my name. I stood in my bathroom for two hours carefully cutting away at my own mane. I panicked. I was afraid of what I had done to myself, afraid that I had made myself ugly and definitely afraid to tell him what I had done.

I waited 24 hours and sent him a picture. I anxiously awaited the response. "Well, it was nice while it lasted," was the reply I received. I was in shock and in tears. I took him seriously and according to him that was supposed to be a joke. I never found it funny. 

I wanted to be natural and I wasn't overly concerned about what other people thought. As soon as I cut it all off, the insecurities came flooding in. Did I look like a boy? Did I make a mistake? Does my boyfriend hate it? Do I hide my hair until I'm comfortable? I struggled. 

I always wondered if other naturals were concerned about how their choice would affect their relationships or dating prospects. Or if their significant others were open-minded enough to accept the change and confident enough to defend the tresses, long, short, relaxed or natural. Sometimes, Black men's insecurities are reflected in the women that they date; with women having to appear a certain way for their own comfort. 

November 2010

Another question that has remained in the back of my mind was about the type of men natural hair attracts. I notice that more seemingly Afrocentric and artistic men and loc wearers approach a natural girl. We get called things like "sister" and "queen." Do those men see natural-haired women in a different light? Do other men see natural-haired women as unapproachable?

If my curls deflect men of my interest, maybe those men should have never been on my mind in the first place. Do you think that natural or relaxed hair makes a difference?

About two months after my "big chop," my boyfriend saw my hair in person for the first time. It wasn't so bad, after all. He liked it better than he thought he would. My hair being natural actually didn't matter much. I had fussed over nothing. He was interested in me and that meant accepting my curls as part of the package.

bisou, bisou
Miss Emme