A Thousand Words

The proverb states that, "A picture is worth a thousand words," but this two-frame cartoon featuring 30 words says so much more about the state of relationships between young Black men and women. 

This image has been floating around my Facebook news feed in the last 24 hours and to my surprise it's actually almost a year old. It depicts a young Black woman choosing a thug over a nerd and later [almost 2 children later] attempting to get his attention. There are a plethora of stereotypes and messages presented in this cartoon. 

There is depiction of the Jezebel archetype, seemingly making bad decisions resulting in being alone with two children. She wears the same outfit in both scenes, denoting that she hasn't progressed in life. She begins as an object of desire and ends up with a look of disdain. I questioned the excitement over the cartoon. Do young Black men see themselves as the rejected nerd? Is success [in any definition] some sort of sweet revenge? Why would young Black men want to seek revenge against young Black women?

The nerd is physically smaller and meeker than the man of choice. Note that he fawns over her and harbors  resentment in his telling her to, "beat it." In my experience, this ties directly to how young Black men deal with rejection. Since the nerd doesn't posses physical power, he asserts his power through the material [i.e. a suit, money and sports car]. He basks in the confidence of having the power to reject her. 

The artist depicts the thug character as a shirtless, tattooed, jewelry laden baby maker. I understand using two images of Black men that are on opposite ends of the spectrum to make a point. I do not understand imaging of a Black man as a negative. This perpetuates the negative stereotypes of both extremes within our own community. 

There is truth in humor, but I still believe this is a generally unrealistic image where there is splitting [a psychological mechanism used where undesirable parts of oneself are disowned] and projection [when people unconsciously identify with a person, event or attitude by projecting the split parts of themselves] occurring. What is realistic is the self-fulfilling prophecy that occurs with imagery like this. If we believe it will happen then it will.

I'm still left with many a question in this cartoon. What happened during the "years later"? What does the next frame look like? Do Black women have bad taste in men? Is a woman with good taste in men an opportunist? What is the state of Black relationships? My list of questions can go on forever. What do you think?

Overall, I'm not a fan of the cartoon by any means. Not all Black women are thug-chasing "baby mothers" and shameless opportunists. And not all Black men are the irresponsible thug or docile, emasculated nerd. Stereotypes are wack. 

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

Valentine's Day: A Blind Date Experiment

Throw our names in a hat, pick a name and set them up on a blind date in the name of St. Valentine! Why I agreed to this, I'll never know.

Four friends and I have agreed to be set up as part of my friend Nkem's "Valentine's Day Experiment," just for fun. Nkem came to us with this Aphrodite-esque  proposal and most were reluctant at first, but we succumbed to her plans. 

Meet the Players!

Alexis - The Reluctant One

Claudette - The Positive One

Karenda - The One on the Fence

Nkem - The Mastermind

Miss Emme - The Observant One

Alexis was the hardest to convince and Claudette's participation was dependent on Alexis'. Once they were in, the game was on! My hope for this experiment is for everyone to open up a bit and more importantly have fun. We're all young, educated, driven Black women, why shouldn't we live a little?

The group has created stipulations that I'll think we'll keep to ourselves and we're quite open-minded, so long as the men are eligible bachelors. We picked the names out of the hat and followed up with "consultations." We know the blind dates are just for fun, but we still want them to be good! I'm to procure a date for Claudette, Claudette's to find a date for Nkem while Nkem's working on a young man for Karenda and finally  Karenda's going to set me up. We've been brainstorming together to find the perfect date for Alexis!

The dates have been chosen and set up for different days this week. So, stay tuned for a follow-up on the V-Day Experiment. 

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

What Do You Want?!: The Non-Standard One & The Lady

This time I ventured into the realm of Terrell Brown, you're in for a surprise. I also interviewed my lovely N-Sista, Ugochi. She definitely likes a man's man. Get to know them!

Name: Terrell Brown 

Age: 20

Occupation: Student

Hometown: Baltimore, Maryland

Relationship Status: Very, very perfectly lonely

What physical attributes attract you to a woman?

Umm, well all attributes of a woman attract me. I find a beautiful piece in every woman. I have no preferences. I fall in love with every woman for about five minutes. Beggars can't be choosers. But really preferences, I fall in love with women because of their personalities. And umm, you know. I don't know, I find something beautiful in every woman. Honestly,that's the truth. That's the honest answer. 

What intangible characteristics do you find important?

Just, umm, that's a good question. I think the best intangible characteristic a woman can have is to be open-minded. I think that covers everything.

What's your favorite thing about Black women?

Besides their beautiful characteristics? I think many women and men would be honest and say their booties. 

So, that's your favorite thing about Black women?

I mean the shallow side of me. Yes, that is. Absolutely.

Would you date women of other races? Why or why not?

Why not? I would date any woman of any race. Race doesn't matter to me. If I'm trying to find a woman, I think that's really a f****ed up way to look at things. 

If you could give tell Black women everywhere the most perfect piece of advice, what would it be?

Quit the f***ing weave and s**t out and the make-up. Yeah, cut that s**t out. Like, I don't when that fad became huge. I think like in high school it became big because everybody wants to be a model these days. But I think it's pretty  f***ing annoying, honestly. I guess sometimes it's cool, but you can't just f***ing substitute your real face and hair for the rest of your life. 

If you could pick anyone in the world to take on a romantic date, who would it be?

Number one would be Oprah because I would hope that she'd break me off. Number two would be Adriana Lima, she's my new found love. Three would be Kim K. of course and number four would be Nicki Minaj's butt.

Not Nicki Minaj, but Nicki Minaj's butt apart from her?

Yeah, absolutely. And number five I'd have to say would be. I'd go with Kendra Wilkinson's rack. She has some nice boobs.

Name: Ugochi O. Nzeadighibe

Age: 21

Occupation: Student

Hometown: Baltimore, Maryland

Relationship Status: Single

What physical attributes attract you to a man?

Height (I'm short, so that's not a problem), teeth (can win me over with a lovely smile) somewhat muscular... loves a man that can wrap his arms around me, make me feel secure! Ohh and a man in uniform/dressed to impress makes me weak. lol

What intangible characteristics do you find important?

Intelligent, Honest, Confident, Strong, Motivated, Optimistic and Funny.

What's you favorite thing about  Black men?

Their determination and drive for success, strength and courage to overcome daily obstacles.

Would you date men of other races? 

I'm open to dating men form other races, learning things about their life/ the way they were raised but I prefer a black man because it's a common background we share. Plus I love chocolate (both candy & men) there is something about it. I just can't explain in words. 

If you could tell Black men everywhere the most perfect piece of advice, what would it be?

Never judge a woman from appearance alone, you will never know what you are missing out on. She might be the woman of your dreams but you let her slip away!

If you could pick anyone in the world to take on a romantic date, who would it be?

Hmm...it's hard to choose one! Lance Gross & Common!! (LOVE THEM)

If you want to be featured in a "What Do You Want?!"  post, email JadoreMissEmme@gmail.com with "interview" as the subject. 

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

#TeamWhiteBoys

One day I was tweeting that I wanted in on #TeamWhiteBoys, meaning that I wanted to be well on my way of exploring the realm of dating a white man. To my surprise, I had quite a few retweets. I didn't know that so many other Black women were interested in venturing outside of their race. Just an observation. We created a sort of camaraderie, if you will. 

I brought the subject to my friends [of course]. A few friends were definitely welcoming to the interracial experience, but I did I have one friend who strongly disagreed. She always said she could appreciate a handsome white man, but would never date one. When I asked my Black male friends about dating a white man, they all had a slight shudder at the idea. These were the same men that were all open to the idea of dating a white woman [talk about double standards]. They found the concept to be abandonment and a result of giving up hope on Black men. I'm not giving up hope, but let's call it broadening my horizons.

Sanaa Lathan & Simon Baker in Something New

Something New was the perfect example of a young Black professional woman seeking out love and change in her life and it just happened to with a white man [FINE Simon Baker at that]. To some it's a not such a big deal and to others it seemed to mean the world. I've been asked questions about being able to relate on cultural levels with a white man. I just thought to myself that I also have cultural differences with Black Americans and other Black folk in the Diaspora, so how "different" could it be if we had the fundamental things in common? I remember my father advising me never to be romantically interested in "those American boys," but that was to no avail. I just know that I'll never be familiar "white privilege" and he'll never be able to completely understand the Black experience no matter how much he appreciates it. It comes with the territory.

Really, what harm can some casual dating do? Could I consider a white man as a serious mate? Honestly, I don't know. Could I share a few drinks and laughs with one? Absolutely. What started as a small joke has grown into a thought-provoking discussion and a new dating adventure. I'll keep you updated.

Are you #TeamWhiteBoys? Would you consider it? Is it even that serious?

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

Gaps of the Generational Kind

Wisdom is the kind of thing that is only gained from experience. That was the obvious part, but when times change, what advice remains timeless? Is mom's advice still relevant in a time where women don't wear pantyhose, men stay in the kitchen and people meet their mates on the internet?

The unwritten rules of dating are constantly changing, but what foundational rules are going to last forever? I have a great respect for the wisdom that my elders have to endow me with, but there are times where that their advice no longer applies. So, I'm often left torn between antiquity and modernity. For instance, I'll wait for a man to open the door for me on a date, but I might pick up the bill. Which old-school rules about the opposite sex do you abide by, today?

Young men don't always meet my parents before they whisk me away on a first date and I believe that a couple should live together before they're married [because you never really know someone until you live with them]. But one piece of advice my mom gave me that always remains relevant was to "let a man be a man." Obviously, that's relative to each individual, but I found that piece of advice from Mommy to be priceless. But those priceless jewels are becoming rare. What's the best piece of generational advice you've ever received?

Another issue that crosses my mind when speaking on generational shifts, is the change in boundaries and standards that occurs. The generation before us always shakes it head in mild disapproval with a "those crazy kids" tagged to the motion. However, the question that weighs on me is when have the changes gone too far? When different behaviors become more and more acceptable as the years go by, where's the limit? What's distasteful and inappropriate? Moreover, how do we instill those old-school values to put the reigns on modernity gone awry?

In a recent conversation with my mom, she admitted that she sometimes wonders if the advice she gives me is pertinent. She doesn't worry too much because luckily I'm attached to some of the more antiquated rules than her progressive self. I'll be telling my daughter to wait for him to open all the doors and teaching my son to always offer to pay first [yeah, I said it!]. What piece of dating advice or rules will you pass down to the next generation?

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

What Do You Want?!: The Equal Opposites

I almost feel like these two are the same type of gears grinding in the opposite direction. Both superbly creative minds, one defined and one abstract, if you will. This is one of my favorites.


Name:  Christina

Age: 20

Occupation: Full time student, office worker

Hometown: Fort Washington, MD

Relationship Status: Single 

What physical attributes attract you to a man?

I'm not really big on physical attributes, but I do notice a man's smile. If you have a beautiful smile and use it often that is an automatic attraction. Secondly would have to be the skin and lastly a fresh shape-up and nice facial hair. And oh yeah, height seeing as I'm 5'10"...

What intangible characteristics do you find important?

Honesty, creativity, goal-oriented, intelligent. 

What's your favorite thing about Black men?

Their ability to stand out. 

Would you date men of other races? Why or why not?

I would date men of other races because as long as we make a mental connection frivolous things like race will not come in the way. 

If you could tell Black men everywhere the most perfect piece of advice, what would it be?

To open up your hearts and not be afraid to love. 

If you could pick anyone in the world to take on a romantic date, who would it be? 

Hmm that's hard...NOT! Of course, Kanye West. 

Christian's interview was the first ever "What Do You Want?!" profile that was recorded. There might be more of this in the future!

Name: Christian Newson

Age: 22

Occupation: Student

Hometown: Silver Spring, MD

Relationship Status: Single

What physical attributes attract you to a woman?

Her butt. I just like thick, voluptuous women. I mean the face is all right, but it all starts at the core. 

What intangible characteristics do you find important?

Independence. Devotion to themselves, not to me. That's key.

[I asked Christian to elaborate on what he meant by devotion and here's the low down..]

You've got to be about you, you can't be worrying about me all the time. If you're worrying about me all the time the relationship's going to be all about me. I'm not going to stress you about what you do because I'll be doing me. I don't want you stressing me about what I do because I'll still be doing me. At the end of the day, that devotion you have to yourself over the devotion you have to me. 

What's your favorite thing about Black women?

The way... I don't want to say that this a bad thing because it can also be their downfall. The way they just are. Black women are not... It's like they need you, but they don't need you. They'll leave you real quick, then they'll come back even quicker. I don't know how to explain it. It's them not needing me. Out of everybody, Black women I'd probably say are the most unsubmissive. If that explains it at all. 

Would you date women of other races? Why or why not?

Yes! Because they are submissive and I can have my way with them. Not my way, but there would be very, very little argument. I'm not the type to argue, like other races don't argue. But I don't really mess with other races because I really do just like Black girls. You've got to be mixed with Black, have some of that in you. 

If you could tell Black women everywhere the most perfect piece of advice, what would it be?

To listen and communicate. Black women don't listen or communicate. They get very emotional real quick. That's all I've got for you, to listen and communicate.

If you could pick anyone in the world to take on a romantic date, who would it be? 

It would be you, Kassandre. Because honestly, you're a great friend and I just appreciate everything you do for me right now. Like even right now, where I'm at right now, you're helping me out. So, it would be you. 

If you would like to submit a "What Do You Want?!" profile, please email JadoreMissEmme@gmail.com with "profile" as the subject. 

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

Earth Girls Aren't Easy: The Winter Boos

It's cold outside, the sun sets at 5 p.m. and something biological is telling you that being alone in your bed at night just isn't right. It's "cuffing season," the time of year when people couple up and everyone on your Twitter timeline feels like cuddling.

Personally, I'm still getting used to being single and the things that come with that. Being completely unattached is a new realm and this season has me missing the companionship. It was nice to have one person to send that energy towards, but not having that isn't stressing me out by any means.

I'm curious as to how other single girls are faring. Are other young women experiencing the "winter blues" and hunting for natural body heat? Is the feeling truly biological, mental or just a social standard? Whatever the reason, the cuffing has been happening all around me.

I must say the amount of phone calls, texts and bbms have definitely increased since the cooler weather has set in. People really just want some company or someone to occupy their time with, but where's the line between finding comfort in someone and making someone your reliable play-thing?

I hate the idea of leading anyone on simply because I enjoy the conversation. I like to talk, I like to laugh and like any human being, I enjoy the attention. I'm capable of participating in that sort of relationship without building more attraction or expecting the relationship to reach another level. Sometimes, I feel as if I need to pump the brakes a bit in order to send the message that things won't be going any further. I just realized while writing this that that can be detrimental to finding a potential partner that may actually be good for me [Self discovery at its finest. Who knew?]. However, I won't used the winter weather as an excuse to rush into something else.

Back to the point! Is cuffing season something that's dangled over our heads? Is it even worth it to be cuffed up in anticipation of the summer break-up? Are you cuffing this season?

I've come to the conclusion that the urge to be paired is some natural animal instinct in us to help us survive winter and procreate come spring. Isn't that how rabbits work it out? It's so simple, but then again nothing about human beings is.

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

What Do You Want?!: The Ones in Charge

There's a reason why these two are the ones in charge! Meet Manny, my good friend who runs Fresh Honesty and Nkem, the president of the MSU section of the NPHC. 

Name: Emanuel Bennett 

Age: 23

Occupation: Photographer

Hometown: Brooklyn, NY

Relationship Status: Boo'd Up

What physical attributes attract you to a woman?  

Eyes, Smile, Teeth, Lips, Breast, Legs, Voice

What intangible characteristics do you find important?

Understanding and Trust. 

What's your favorite thing about Black women?

Strength.

Would you date women of other races? Why or why not?

Sure, people are people even if they descend from other tribes.

If you could tell Black women everywhere the perfect piece of advice, what would it be?

Love yourself and embrace your beauty. You are the most exotic, most powerful and most important force on this earth so start acting like it.

If you could pick anyone in the world on a romantic date, who would it be?

It's a secret...

Name: Nkemdilim [kem-dill-em] Uzoka
Age: 22
Occupation: Student
Hometown: Largo, Maryland
Relationship Status: Single


What physical attributes attract you to a man?

Like a basketball player/ quarterback physique. Must be taller. I like thicker, well shaped eyebrows. I like someone who resembles a feline. Nice smile, great lips. Nice teeth, too. You've got to have nice hands. Well-fitted clothes, everything has to look clean and no dirty sneakers. Pretty boys. Pretty eyes.

What intangible characteristics do you find important?

Sensitivity, I like a guy who's not afraid to show his emotions. You've got to be able to laugh at yourself and being gentle is important. And spontaneous! Intelligent, too.

What's your favorite thing about Black men?

They're drive. When a Black man really wants something, whether it's good or bad they do whatever it takes to get it. And I like the diversity within our culture.

Would you date men of other races? Why or why not?
Hell yeah. Why not?


If you could give Black men everywhere the most perfect piece of advice, what would it be?
Keep your head up. Psych! Black women really appreciate you. 


If you could pick anyone in the world to take on a romantic date, who would it be?
Lil Fizz. [she's serious] And Lance Gross.

If you're interested in having a "What Do You Want?!" profile posted, email JadoreMissEmme@gmail.com with interview as the subject.

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

Girls... with Friends

Friends. They seem to be an epidemic in young Black relationships. We've heard it in music, seen it on film and have even observed in our own lives. No matter how intensely you feel about your significant other, there always seems to be that one friend that you just cannot stand. It's that simple.

"I don't like them," is the phrase that's spewed out and often paired with a disapproving expression. The reasons may vary, but the issue exists across the board. Whether it's the friend with the bad attitude, the friend that is single or the most-hated male friend, there is a question about why the relationship exists. 

My friends weren't well-liked in my last relationship and neither was the fact that I had a lot more male friends and acquaintances than he expected. He thought that my stance with him was compromised by my loyalty to my friends and male friends always had some hidden agenda. It was difficult to find a median, having to remain true to my friendships and still creating a comfortable environment for my significant other. I'm sure I'm not the only woman that has had to find the balance between the two.

I've heard of all sorts of reasons why men didn't like the company kept by their woman. Single friends are another common issue, having a problem with the advice that they give to where they spend their time and how they dress. They love spending time with you and hate on your relationship just so the two of you can be single together. Then there's the Martin-Pam combination, enough said.

The idea that a man or woman didn't like their partner's friends has always denoted, for me, a lack of trust in their partner's judgment. And with that logic it only leads me to ask, if she can't pick good friends, how could she possibly pick a good boyfriend?

It sometimes seems as if a man's loyalty to his friends completely overrides a woman's loyalty to hers. I believe that it ties right into the traditional concept of women having to sacrifice their lifestyles and replacing it with that of their significant other. Are young women still filing themselves into those positions? How are we supposed love and accept every friend that they've made in a lifetime, when they won't think twice about accepting ours?

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

What Do You Want?!: The Honest Ones

The volume of responses to this survey has been absolutely amazing and greatly appreciated! Profiles will still be posted weekly and I promise all of your submissions will be displayed! With that squared away, there are two new people for you all to meet. 

Name: Nicole Edmonds

Age: 21

Occupation: Student

Hometown: New York, New York

Relationship Status: Single

What physical attributes attract you to a man?

The way they're dressed and how they're groomed. Also, a slightly bow-legged man. You have to be taller than me. That's a must! NO DIRTY SNEAKERS. No thick-ums and you cannot be fat.

What intangible characteristics do you find important?

A sense of humor is very important. I feel like a nice personality is so general, but you can't be an a##hole. Then, there's the obvious things like loyal and faithful. Also, I kind of like a guy who takes control. I like guys that are forward, like aggressive.

What's your favorite thing about Black men? 

Their complexion, oh my goodness! A nice brown tone is just amazing. And you can't be ashy. That's gross. 

Would you date men of other races? Why or why not?

No. I'm just not attracted to any other races. I can recognize a handsome or attractive man of any race, but it's not going any further than that. You gotta be a certain complexion to ride this ride. [laughs]

If you could tell Black men everywhere the most perfect piece of advice, what would it be?

Don't be on that bullsh#t. Stop being selfish and be upfront about what you want. And stop being back-and-forth. Nobody has time for that. AND stop lying so much, damn!

If you could pick anyone in the world to take on a romantic date, who would it be?

DERWIN! Pooch Hall. 

Name: Stephan

Age: 23

Occupation: Full Time: Student, Part Time: Customer Service

Hometown: Fort Washington, MD by way of Queens, NY

Relationship Status: Single

What physical attributes attract you to a woman?

Long legs, nice butt, nice teeth and eyes.

What intangible characteristics do you find important?

Confidence, there's somethings to be said for someone who can walk into a room and say nothing at all and still be seen off of charisma alone. Someone that has a colorful personality, I like someone that has many different interests and someone I can talk to without feeling like we're talking about nothing even though we probably are.

What's your favorite thing about Black women?

I see strength in black women. That's not to say that I don't see strength in other races but that's just a characteristic that always jumps out at me when I think of my sisters.

Would you date women of other races? Why or why not?

Yes, I am child of many different races and cultures and as such I am attracted to many different things. However, when I look at one race over another I'm not looking at the same things. I'm looking at the differences, in a good way. 

If you could tell Black women Everywhere the most perfect piece of advice, what would it be?

Because you have had the weight of the world on your shoulders doesn't mean that the strength you've earned needs to become the anger you feel. Those who notice your struggle appreciate it. 

If you could pick anyone in the world to take on a romantic date, who would it be?

Stacey Dash, enough said!

If you want to be featured in a "What Do You Want?!" post, email JadoreMissEmme@gmail.com with "interview" as the subject. 

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

A Dream Deferred

I was listening to Wale's "Ambitious Girl" track off of his More About Nothing mixtape [which I do often] and was fascinated by his admiration of a young woman who chases her dreams. He described it as a turn-on saying things like, "...your drive drives me crazy" and "...your productivity is the reason I interest." It's definitely a fitting song for the young women at my university, especially the ones I surround myself with; young Black women who are dream chasers.

This same song also left me reflecting on the famous quote from I Think I Love My Wife, "You can lose lots of money chasing women, but you will NEVER lose women chasing money." This adage doesn't particularly hold true for women. There has always been a plethora of stories, especially about Black women, losing out on love because they chose a more ambitious route. Why don't men chase the dream chasers?

Black women have so much more to lose in the pursuit of our dreams, sacrificing relationships, pushing emotions to the side and losing out personal time, having to strive a little bit harder than everyone else. There are those that push through and see their endeavors come to fruition. Others put themselves to the side and watch their dreams slip away. The truth is we can have it all, just not all at the same time.

It depends on what's important and when it becomes important. Priorities change with time, but I'm definitely using my youth to better myself, strive for my goals and grow as a person. How can I expect so much from a partner if I'm not bringing anything to the table? Let's call it evenly yoked, on all levels. 

I've spoken with more experienced career women that have all met with the same challenge. Compromise. Some working harder in their fields in order to support their families and some slowing down on their career paths because they desired families. They all managed to find a balance, whether it meant sacrificing one thing or another. 

But where does that leave the 20 year old college junior with entrepreneurial aspirations? And the 23 year old fresh out of a university looking for a graduate school in a new state? We are least likely to have serious obligations forcing us to make those sacrifices. Yet, we face some of our counterparts who believe the choice is simple. It's one thing to consider the future plans of a significant other and another to allow your own plans to fall by the wayside. 

How much would you compromise in the name of love? Is seeking independence a man deterrent? Where are the men chasing the dream chasers [Is Wale the only one? LOL]? Is the premise of Deliver Us From Eva a prevalent reality? 

Too unrealistic?

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

What Do You Want?! : The Pioneers

This is the first post [outside of my own] of the "What Do You Want?!" feature. Every week, I'll be spotlighting a young man and young woman who were brave enough to disclose their preferences. These two can be considered the pioneers because they were the first to respond to my request [thanks a million!]. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Thomas...

Name: Thomas N. Wynder

Age: early 20s 

Occupation:  Fashion Retail Management

Hometown: Detroit, MI [DETROIT WHAT!!!!!]

Relationship Status: Single

What physical attributes attract you to a woman? 

Height, I'm 6'4"...

What intangible attributes do you find important? 

Intelligence, confidence, class, culture, drive. 

What's your favorite thing about Black women? 

Their uniqueness. 

Would you date women of other races? Why or why not? 

Depends on what we mean by date... Casually, yes. Seriously, no. As my mother once told me, it is the ultimate disrespect to bring someone home to your mother who has nothing in common with her. 

If you could tell Black women everywhere the most perfect piece of advice, what would it be? 

Pursue what it is that you desire from life, not a man. 

This one's for fun! If you could pick anyone in the world to take on a romantic date, who would it be? 

Halle Berry

...and Tamille!

Name: Tamille

Age: 23

Occupation: Library Office Aide

Hometown: Brooklyn, NY

Relationship Status: Single

What physical attributes attract you to a man?

I'm pretty flexible when it comes to looks. I think beauty comes in all shades and forms. 

What intangible characteristics do you find important? 

Honesty, integrity, intelligence, dependability, loyalty. 

What's your favorite thing about Black men?

Sharing a common culture. I've dated outside my race before and sometimes when you make a joke about childhood or being raised by a black mother they don't get it but you know a black man is going to know exactly what you're talking about. 

Would you date men of other races?  Why or why not?

I've done it twice, because like I said beauty comes in all shades and forms. What's more important to me is how he treats me. 

If you could tell Black men everywhere the most perfect piece of advice, what would it be? 

If you come across a real woman in your life don't mess around and loose her. You'll regret later. 

This one's for fun! If you could pick anyone in the world to take on a romantic date, who would it be?

Drake or Aubrey Graham or Wheelchair Jimmy, whatever you know him as lol

Thank you guys! It was a treat to receive these!!

If you want to be featured in a "What Do You Want?!" post, email JadoreMissEmme@gmail.com with "interview" in the subject. 

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

Natural Hair + Black Men= ?

In celebration of my first "Big Chop" anniversary, I wanted to touch on my experience with natural hair in the dating realm. When I first decided to transition from relaxed to natural hair, I was already in a serious relationship. My boyfriend was supportive of my choice as long as I didn't end up with a low ceasar. 

December 2009

I was concerned about growing my hair long enough before cutting off my relaxed ends. He expressed that I should practice the virtue of patience. I had only made it about five months before the scissors began to call my name. I stood in my bathroom for two hours carefully cutting away at my own mane. I panicked. I was afraid of what I had done to myself, afraid that I had made myself ugly and definitely afraid to tell him what I had done.

I waited 24 hours and sent him a picture. I anxiously awaited the response. "Well, it was nice while it lasted," was the reply I received. I was in shock and in tears. I took him seriously and according to him that was supposed to be a joke. I never found it funny. 

I wanted to be natural and I wasn't overly concerned about what other people thought. As soon as I cut it all off, the insecurities came flooding in. Did I look like a boy? Did I make a mistake? Does my boyfriend hate it? Do I hide my hair until I'm comfortable? I struggled. 

I always wondered if other naturals were concerned about how their choice would affect their relationships or dating prospects. Or if their significant others were open-minded enough to accept the change and confident enough to defend the tresses, long, short, relaxed or natural. Sometimes, Black men's insecurities are reflected in the women that they date; with women having to appear a certain way for their own comfort. 

November 2010

Another question that has remained in the back of my mind was about the type of men natural hair attracts. I notice that more seemingly Afrocentric and artistic men and loc wearers approach a natural girl. We get called things like "sister" and "queen." Do those men see natural-haired women in a different light? Do other men see natural-haired women as unapproachable?

If my curls deflect men of my interest, maybe those men should have never been on my mind in the first place. Do you think that natural or relaxed hair makes a difference?

About two months after my "big chop," my boyfriend saw my hair in person for the first time. It wasn't so bad, after all. He liked it better than he thought he would. My hair being natural actually didn't matter much. I had fussed over nothing. He was interested in me and that meant accepting my curls as part of the package.

bisou, bisou
Miss Emme

What Do You Want?! : The Quest

In the last post, I announced that I was going to begin my quest of finding out what Black men want. No, I am not being biased. I'm also interviewing Black women to found out what they want from their counterparts. Together, we're going to disperse myths, create realistic views and demystify the dating realm. 

These posts will be popping up soon! So, I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes about love. 

"Love, I find, is like singing. Everybody can do enough to satisfy themselves, though it may not impress the neighbors as being very much." -Zora Neale Hurston 

Update--


My friends have convinced me to give a preview of the "What Do You Want" profile by posting my own!


Name: Miss Emme
Age: 22
Occupation: Student
Hometown: Brooklyn, New York
Relationship Status: Single

What physical attributes attract you to a man?
Teeth, I love a great smile. A tall man is definitely preferred; so are warm eyes, smooth skin and basketball player's frame. I also like a strong sense of personal style. A man in a well-tailored suit always gets bonus points.

What intangible characteristics do you find important?
I value honesty and openness; and an intelligent man that can hold a conversation and leave me with something new. Generosity is very important, so is a quirky sense of humor. A gentlemen with confidence and ambition is very sexy.

What is your favorite thing about Black men?
Their strength and their ability to persevere.

Would you date men of other races? Why or why not?
I would. I've always been open to the idea. There's no particular reason why or why not.

If you could tell Black men everywhere the most perfect piece of advice, what would it be?
Give women everything that you want in return.

This one's for fun! If you could pick anyone in the world to take on a romantic date, who would it be?
I have three! Idris Elba, Common and Wale. They're each very different men. It'd be interesting to interact with them all.

There it is! The first "What Do You Want" profile. Let me know what you think!

bisou, bisou 

Miss Emme

Preferences & Pedestals

I mentioned that an article in the November issue of Essence is what sparked my interest in addressing Black women and relationships. Demetria L. Lucas, often referred to as the "Black Carrie Bradshaw," penned a piece entitled "Us vs. Them", questioning the reasons behind the dating preferences of Black men. 

Generally, the article pointed out that Black men tend to put women of other races on a pedestal and that there preferences were based on what they didn't like about Black women. I had to agree with Ms. Lucas. I have definitely come across the complaints of Black men wishing that Black women were more supportive like white women, more coddling like Latina women or subservient like Asian women. 

There is nothing wrong with an independent, opinionated, self-sufficient woman, period. There is something wrong with the fact that Black women get so much flack for having those attributes. We are not all finger-waving, neck-rolling, attitude-having harpies.

I brought the conversation to my friends, five other women and one man. There was one particular point that struck a chord for me. My friend brought up that men and women of other races are rarely ever caught up in downing their cultural counterparts in justification of their preferences. I have yet to come across the opposite, but often run into Black men looking for the "best race" to date and Black women considering dating outside of their race because Black men "ain't sh*t." 

And of course there is the standard of beauty issue. Are our men suffering from "Kardashian Syndrome," in love with long hair, lighter or fair skin and exotic features and not wanting to deal with scarf-wrapped head at night? Why are the cultural behaviors of other women so preferred? That leads me to wonder if Black men appreciate the cultural behaviors of their mothers, sisters and aunts? Better yet, what are they instilling into their daughters? 

I am partial to Black men, but have never completely dismissed men of other races. And I've never belittled a Black man to legitimize what I generally like about men. What's your preference? 

Finally, do Black men really insult us to exalt other races of women?

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

One Last Romp?

I miss you, lovelies! I recently received a tweet from a fellow blogger, Mannie from FreshHonesty.com, that really touched and inspired me. I really hope he doesn't mind me talking about him! He asked me if I had visited his site, which I do regularly [his growth has been amazing]. But what really hit home for me was when he told me that he never forgot that I inspired him to start. It was that simple. 

I was thinking about how amazing that is and then wondered to myself why I stopped writing. I was definitely tired of writing the entertainment randomness that I truly enjoyed, but everyone does it. I tried the natural hair stint and never got it off the ground. Mannie's comment and an article in the November issue of Essence [yes, I'm still reading Essence, don't beat me] about relationships inspired me to try a new route. 

J'adore Miss Emme is taking the relationship path. I recently got out of a serious relationship and it left me examining myself, my relationship and other issues surrounding Black women and love. So let's talk about love. Are you with me? 

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme