Valentine's Day: A Blind Date Experiment

Throw our names in a hat, pick a name and set them up on a blind date in the name of St. Valentine! Why I agreed to this, I'll never know.

Four friends and I have agreed to be set up as part of my friend Nkem's "Valentine's Day Experiment," just for fun. Nkem came to us with this Aphrodite-esque  proposal and most were reluctant at first, but we succumbed to her plans. 

Meet the Players!

Alexis - The Reluctant One

Claudette - The Positive One

Karenda - The One on the Fence

Nkem - The Mastermind

Miss Emme - The Observant One

Alexis was the hardest to convince and Claudette's participation was dependent on Alexis'. Once they were in, the game was on! My hope for this experiment is for everyone to open up a bit and more importantly have fun. We're all young, educated, driven Black women, why shouldn't we live a little?

The group has created stipulations that I'll think we'll keep to ourselves and we're quite open-minded, so long as the men are eligible bachelors. We picked the names out of the hat and followed up with "consultations." We know the blind dates are just for fun, but we still want them to be good! I'm to procure a date for Claudette, Claudette's to find a date for Nkem while Nkem's working on a young man for Karenda and finally  Karenda's going to set me up. We've been brainstorming together to find the perfect date for Alexis!

The dates have been chosen and set up for different days this week. So, stay tuned for a follow-up on the V-Day Experiment. 

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

Earth Girls Aren't Easy: The Winter Boos

It's cold outside, the sun sets at 5 p.m. and something biological is telling you that being alone in your bed at night just isn't right. It's "cuffing season," the time of year when people couple up and everyone on your Twitter timeline feels like cuddling.

Personally, I'm still getting used to being single and the things that come with that. Being completely unattached is a new realm and this season has me missing the companionship. It was nice to have one person to send that energy towards, but not having that isn't stressing me out by any means.

I'm curious as to how other single girls are faring. Are other young women experiencing the "winter blues" and hunting for natural body heat? Is the feeling truly biological, mental or just a social standard? Whatever the reason, the cuffing has been happening all around me.

I must say the amount of phone calls, texts and bbms have definitely increased since the cooler weather has set in. People really just want some company or someone to occupy their time with, but where's the line between finding comfort in someone and making someone your reliable play-thing?

I hate the idea of leading anyone on simply because I enjoy the conversation. I like to talk, I like to laugh and like any human being, I enjoy the attention. I'm capable of participating in that sort of relationship without building more attraction or expecting the relationship to reach another level. Sometimes, I feel as if I need to pump the brakes a bit in order to send the message that things won't be going any further. I just realized while writing this that that can be detrimental to finding a potential partner that may actually be good for me [Self discovery at its finest. Who knew?]. However, I won't used the winter weather as an excuse to rush into something else.

Back to the point! Is cuffing season something that's dangled over our heads? Is it even worth it to be cuffed up in anticipation of the summer break-up? Are you cuffing this season?

I've come to the conclusion that the urge to be paired is some natural animal instinct in us to help us survive winter and procreate come spring. Isn't that how rabbits work it out? It's so simple, but then again nothing about human beings is.

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

Earth Girls Aren't Easy: The Weight for Love

Big. Thick. Fluffy. Plus-sized. These are just some of the names we are called or call ourselves; women larger than average size, according to standards set forth by different industries.

There seems to be a different set of rules when it comes to dating for the plus set or so it's thought. It's as if we can't have another single flaw, so that we can manage to offset our stature. One must be dressed to impressed, hair always styled, have the best personality in the room and be smarter and funnier than every pretty girl within a mile radius. Our selection of men is even smaller, having hopes that the fine man across the room is interested in bigger women. And we have to avoid the ever-roaming weirdo that is interested only in the novelty of our size. 

We don't have to confine ourselves to any one category of men. And we most certainly don't have to be grateful for every ounce of male attention we get. Though the media has a certain disdain for fuller figures and anyone considered overweight [check out Maura Kelly's Marie Claire article], the Black community has an appreciation for the more Rubenesque woman.

[It's evolved into an obsession with Black women everywhere disproportionately altering their bodies in glorification of tiny waists, wider hips, rounder backsides and large breasts that many of us were already born with, but I digress. That's another issue for another post on another blog.]

More Black men than we think are attracted to the abundance of curves and are interested in getting to know what is beyond the physical appearance. I still believe that a lot of men don't want to be classified as "chubby chasers" for dating a plus-sized woman, but that's neither here nor there.

The dating scene can provide the same amount of difficulty for any woman. Do you think plus-sized women have it harder in the dating world? Does the media dictate what we find attractive? Do bigger men get more love than bigger women? Just curious!

I say we big girls stay classy, stay beautiful and most of all stay ourselves. The glow is bound to attract the right one.

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

Majoring in Marriage

Homecoming week has just ended at my university. The Bears led us to another victory and campus was swarming with students, alumni and visitors. Towards the end of the festivities of Saturday evening, I sat outside of our Jenkins Building for some fresh air. An older man sat next to me and asked me if I was okay. I told him that I was fine. He asked what my classification was, about my major and a range of other small-talk questions. Finally, he had asked me if I had found my husband, yet. Jokingly, I told him that I was divorced and asked him if he had found his wife. 

He had. He found her in 1991 during their freshmen year. They entered Greek life at the same time and graduated together. They hadn't been apart since. It was so Bill and Camille. 

This was the fantasy. The fantasy that so many young women leave for college with. Either by boyfriend with promise ring in tow or a husband-seeking missile, the fairytale ending to a college career seems to include an engagement ring.

Is it fair to us to indulge in such a legend? Women already outnumber men on most college campuses. And honestly, it's hard enough managing academics, a social life and other extracurricular activities without the joys and pains of a serious relationship. 

But we want it all, the perfect schedule, the perfect internship, the perfect friends and the perfect man. There are those girls [aliens sent from another planet] that seemingly juggle it all. And those one-in-a-million, college sweetheart relationships do exist and end up in beautiful marriages. Then there are those that venture out into the world of independence after college and find the same happy relationships at 30 and 35. 

I believe that there is absolutely no need to rush yourself into a relationship. My 22 year-old self looks back at my 18 year-old self entering college and shakes her head at inexperience and naivete. Yet, I'm still not prepared for the marriage route, ever teetering between the thought of white picket fences and suburban living and the fast, city, single life. Hopefully, I'll find the medium between the two; fast, city, married life would be ideal.

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme