Gaps of the Generational Kind

Wisdom is the kind of thing that is only gained from experience. That was the obvious part, but when times change, what advice remains timeless? Is mom's advice still relevant in a time where women don't wear pantyhose, men stay in the kitchen and people meet their mates on the internet?

The unwritten rules of dating are constantly changing, but what foundational rules are going to last forever? I have a great respect for the wisdom that my elders have to endow me with, but there are times where that their advice no longer applies. So, I'm often left torn between antiquity and modernity. For instance, I'll wait for a man to open the door for me on a date, but I might pick up the bill. Which old-school rules about the opposite sex do you abide by, today?

Young men don't always meet my parents before they whisk me away on a first date and I believe that a couple should live together before they're married [because you never really know someone until you live with them]. But one piece of advice my mom gave me that always remains relevant was to "let a man be a man." Obviously, that's relative to each individual, but I found that piece of advice from Mommy to be priceless. But those priceless jewels are becoming rare. What's the best piece of generational advice you've ever received?

Another issue that crosses my mind when speaking on generational shifts, is the change in boundaries and standards that occurs. The generation before us always shakes it head in mild disapproval with a "those crazy kids" tagged to the motion. However, the question that weighs on me is when have the changes gone too far? When different behaviors become more and more acceptable as the years go by, where's the limit? What's distasteful and inappropriate? Moreover, how do we instill those old-school values to put the reigns on modernity gone awry?

In a recent conversation with my mom, she admitted that she sometimes wonders if the advice she gives me is pertinent. She doesn't worry too much because luckily I'm attached to some of the more antiquated rules than her progressive self. I'll be telling my daughter to wait for him to open all the doors and teaching my son to always offer to pay first [yeah, I said it!]. What piece of dating advice or rules will you pass down to the next generation?

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

Earth Girls Aren't Easy: The Winter Boos

It's cold outside, the sun sets at 5 p.m. and something biological is telling you that being alone in your bed at night just isn't right. It's "cuffing season," the time of year when people couple up and everyone on your Twitter timeline feels like cuddling.

Personally, I'm still getting used to being single and the things that come with that. Being completely unattached is a new realm and this season has me missing the companionship. It was nice to have one person to send that energy towards, but not having that isn't stressing me out by any means.

I'm curious as to how other single girls are faring. Are other young women experiencing the "winter blues" and hunting for natural body heat? Is the feeling truly biological, mental or just a social standard? Whatever the reason, the cuffing has been happening all around me.

I must say the amount of phone calls, texts and bbms have definitely increased since the cooler weather has set in. People really just want some company or someone to occupy their time with, but where's the line between finding comfort in someone and making someone your reliable play-thing?

I hate the idea of leading anyone on simply because I enjoy the conversation. I like to talk, I like to laugh and like any human being, I enjoy the attention. I'm capable of participating in that sort of relationship without building more attraction or expecting the relationship to reach another level. Sometimes, I feel as if I need to pump the brakes a bit in order to send the message that things won't be going any further. I just realized while writing this that that can be detrimental to finding a potential partner that may actually be good for me [Self discovery at its finest. Who knew?]. However, I won't used the winter weather as an excuse to rush into something else.

Back to the point! Is cuffing season something that's dangled over our heads? Is it even worth it to be cuffed up in anticipation of the summer break-up? Are you cuffing this season?

I've come to the conclusion that the urge to be paired is some natural animal instinct in us to help us survive winter and procreate come spring. Isn't that how rabbits work it out? It's so simple, but then again nothing about human beings is.

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

A Dream Deferred

I was listening to Wale's "Ambitious Girl" track off of his More About Nothing mixtape [which I do often] and was fascinated by his admiration of a young woman who chases her dreams. He described it as a turn-on saying things like, "...your drive drives me crazy" and "...your productivity is the reason I interest." It's definitely a fitting song for the young women at my university, especially the ones I surround myself with; young Black women who are dream chasers.

This same song also left me reflecting on the famous quote from I Think I Love My Wife, "You can lose lots of money chasing women, but you will NEVER lose women chasing money." This adage doesn't particularly hold true for women. There has always been a plethora of stories, especially about Black women, losing out on love because they chose a more ambitious route. Why don't men chase the dream chasers?

Black women have so much more to lose in the pursuit of our dreams, sacrificing relationships, pushing emotions to the side and losing out personal time, having to strive a little bit harder than everyone else. There are those that push through and see their endeavors come to fruition. Others put themselves to the side and watch their dreams slip away. The truth is we can have it all, just not all at the same time.

It depends on what's important and when it becomes important. Priorities change with time, but I'm definitely using my youth to better myself, strive for my goals and grow as a person. How can I expect so much from a partner if I'm not bringing anything to the table? Let's call it evenly yoked, on all levels. 

I've spoken with more experienced career women that have all met with the same challenge. Compromise. Some working harder in their fields in order to support their families and some slowing down on their career paths because they desired families. They all managed to find a balance, whether it meant sacrificing one thing or another. 

But where does that leave the 20 year old college junior with entrepreneurial aspirations? And the 23 year old fresh out of a university looking for a graduate school in a new state? We are least likely to have serious obligations forcing us to make those sacrifices. Yet, we face some of our counterparts who believe the choice is simple. It's one thing to consider the future plans of a significant other and another to allow your own plans to fall by the wayside. 

How much would you compromise in the name of love? Is seeking independence a man deterrent? Where are the men chasing the dream chasers [Is Wale the only one? LOL]? Is the premise of Deliver Us From Eva a prevalent reality? 

Too unrealistic?

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

One Last Romp?

I miss you, lovelies! I recently received a tweet from a fellow blogger, Mannie from FreshHonesty.com, that really touched and inspired me. I really hope he doesn't mind me talking about him! He asked me if I had visited his site, which I do regularly [his growth has been amazing]. But what really hit home for me was when he told me that he never forgot that I inspired him to start. It was that simple. 

I was thinking about how amazing that is and then wondered to myself why I stopped writing. I was definitely tired of writing the entertainment randomness that I truly enjoyed, but everyone does it. I tried the natural hair stint and never got it off the ground. Mannie's comment and an article in the November issue of Essence [yes, I'm still reading Essence, don't beat me] about relationships inspired me to try a new route. 

J'adore Miss Emme is taking the relationship path. I recently got out of a serious relationship and it left me examining myself, my relationship and other issues surrounding Black women and love. So let's talk about love. Are you with me? 

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme