#TeamWhiteBoys

One day I was tweeting that I wanted in on #TeamWhiteBoys, meaning that I wanted to be well on my way of exploring the realm of dating a white man. To my surprise, I had quite a few retweets. I didn't know that so many other Black women were interested in venturing outside of their race. Just an observation. We created a sort of camaraderie, if you will. 

I brought the subject to my friends [of course]. A few friends were definitely welcoming to the interracial experience, but I did I have one friend who strongly disagreed. She always said she could appreciate a handsome white man, but would never date one. When I asked my Black male friends about dating a white man, they all had a slight shudder at the idea. These were the same men that were all open to the idea of dating a white woman [talk about double standards]. They found the concept to be abandonment and a result of giving up hope on Black men. I'm not giving up hope, but let's call it broadening my horizons.

Sanaa Lathan & Simon Baker in Something New

Something New was the perfect example of a young Black professional woman seeking out love and change in her life and it just happened to with a white man [FINE Simon Baker at that]. To some it's a not such a big deal and to others it seemed to mean the world. I've been asked questions about being able to relate on cultural levels with a white man. I just thought to myself that I also have cultural differences with Black Americans and other Black folk in the Diaspora, so how "different" could it be if we had the fundamental things in common? I remember my father advising me never to be romantically interested in "those American boys," but that was to no avail. I just know that I'll never be familiar "white privilege" and he'll never be able to completely understand the Black experience no matter how much he appreciates it. It comes with the territory.

Really, what harm can some casual dating do? Could I consider a white man as a serious mate? Honestly, I don't know. Could I share a few drinks and laughs with one? Absolutely. What started as a small joke has grown into a thought-provoking discussion and a new dating adventure. I'll keep you updated.

Are you #TeamWhiteBoys? Would you consider it? Is it even that serious?

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

Preferences & Pedestals

I mentioned that an article in the November issue of Essence is what sparked my interest in addressing Black women and relationships. Demetria L. Lucas, often referred to as the "Black Carrie Bradshaw," penned a piece entitled "Us vs. Them", questioning the reasons behind the dating preferences of Black men. 

Generally, the article pointed out that Black men tend to put women of other races on a pedestal and that there preferences were based on what they didn't like about Black women. I had to agree with Ms. Lucas. I have definitely come across the complaints of Black men wishing that Black women were more supportive like white women, more coddling like Latina women or subservient like Asian women. 

There is nothing wrong with an independent, opinionated, self-sufficient woman, period. There is something wrong with the fact that Black women get so much flack for having those attributes. We are not all finger-waving, neck-rolling, attitude-having harpies.

I brought the conversation to my friends, five other women and one man. There was one particular point that struck a chord for me. My friend brought up that men and women of other races are rarely ever caught up in downing their cultural counterparts in justification of their preferences. I have yet to come across the opposite, but often run into Black men looking for the "best race" to date and Black women considering dating outside of their race because Black men "ain't sh*t." 

And of course there is the standard of beauty issue. Are our men suffering from "Kardashian Syndrome," in love with long hair, lighter or fair skin and exotic features and not wanting to deal with scarf-wrapped head at night? Why are the cultural behaviors of other women so preferred? That leads me to wonder if Black men appreciate the cultural behaviors of their mothers, sisters and aunts? Better yet, what are they instilling into their daughters? 

I am partial to Black men, but have never completely dismissed men of other races. And I've never belittled a Black man to legitimize what I generally like about men. What's your preference? 

Finally, do Black men really insult us to exalt other races of women?

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme