What Do You Want?!: The Ones in Charge

There's a reason why these two are the ones in charge! Meet Manny, my good friend who runs Fresh Honesty and Nkem, the president of the MSU section of the NPHC. 

Name: Emanuel Bennett 

Age: 23

Occupation: Photographer

Hometown: Brooklyn, NY

Relationship Status: Boo'd Up

What physical attributes attract you to a woman?  

Eyes, Smile, Teeth, Lips, Breast, Legs, Voice

What intangible characteristics do you find important?

Understanding and Trust. 

What's your favorite thing about Black women?

Strength.

Would you date women of other races? Why or why not?

Sure, people are people even if they descend from other tribes.

If you could tell Black women everywhere the perfect piece of advice, what would it be?

Love yourself and embrace your beauty. You are the most exotic, most powerful and most important force on this earth so start acting like it.

If you could pick anyone in the world on a romantic date, who would it be?

It's a secret...

Name: Nkemdilim [kem-dill-em] Uzoka
Age: 22
Occupation: Student
Hometown: Largo, Maryland
Relationship Status: Single


What physical attributes attract you to a man?

Like a basketball player/ quarterback physique. Must be taller. I like thicker, well shaped eyebrows. I like someone who resembles a feline. Nice smile, great lips. Nice teeth, too. You've got to have nice hands. Well-fitted clothes, everything has to look clean and no dirty sneakers. Pretty boys. Pretty eyes.

What intangible characteristics do you find important?

Sensitivity, I like a guy who's not afraid to show his emotions. You've got to be able to laugh at yourself and being gentle is important. And spontaneous! Intelligent, too.

What's your favorite thing about Black men?

They're drive. When a Black man really wants something, whether it's good or bad they do whatever it takes to get it. And I like the diversity within our culture.

Would you date men of other races? Why or why not?
Hell yeah. Why not?


If you could give Black men everywhere the most perfect piece of advice, what would it be?
Keep your head up. Psych! Black women really appreciate you. 


If you could pick anyone in the world to take on a romantic date, who would it be?
Lil Fizz. [she's serious] And Lance Gross.

If you're interested in having a "What Do You Want?!" profile posted, email JadoreMissEmme@gmail.com with interview as the subject.

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

Girls... with Friends

Friends. They seem to be an epidemic in young Black relationships. We've heard it in music, seen it on film and have even observed in our own lives. No matter how intensely you feel about your significant other, there always seems to be that one friend that you just cannot stand. It's that simple.

"I don't like them," is the phrase that's spewed out and often paired with a disapproving expression. The reasons may vary, but the issue exists across the board. Whether it's the friend with the bad attitude, the friend that is single or the most-hated male friend, there is a question about why the relationship exists. 

My friends weren't well-liked in my last relationship and neither was the fact that I had a lot more male friends and acquaintances than he expected. He thought that my stance with him was compromised by my loyalty to my friends and male friends always had some hidden agenda. It was difficult to find a median, having to remain true to my friendships and still creating a comfortable environment for my significant other. I'm sure I'm not the only woman that has had to find the balance between the two.

I've heard of all sorts of reasons why men didn't like the company kept by their woman. Single friends are another common issue, having a problem with the advice that they give to where they spend their time and how they dress. They love spending time with you and hate on your relationship just so the two of you can be single together. Then there's the Martin-Pam combination, enough said.

The idea that a man or woman didn't like their partner's friends has always denoted, for me, a lack of trust in their partner's judgment. And with that logic it only leads me to ask, if she can't pick good friends, how could she possibly pick a good boyfriend?

It sometimes seems as if a man's loyalty to his friends completely overrides a woman's loyalty to hers. I believe that it ties right into the traditional concept of women having to sacrifice their lifestyles and replacing it with that of their significant other. Are young women still filing themselves into those positions? How are we supposed love and accept every friend that they've made in a lifetime, when they won't think twice about accepting ours?

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

What Do You Want?!: The Honest Ones

The volume of responses to this survey has been absolutely amazing and greatly appreciated! Profiles will still be posted weekly and I promise all of your submissions will be displayed! With that squared away, there are two new people for you all to meet. 

Name: Nicole Edmonds

Age: 21

Occupation: Student

Hometown: New York, New York

Relationship Status: Single

What physical attributes attract you to a man?

The way they're dressed and how they're groomed. Also, a slightly bow-legged man. You have to be taller than me. That's a must! NO DIRTY SNEAKERS. No thick-ums and you cannot be fat.

What intangible characteristics do you find important?

A sense of humor is very important. I feel like a nice personality is so general, but you can't be an a##hole. Then, there's the obvious things like loyal and faithful. Also, I kind of like a guy who takes control. I like guys that are forward, like aggressive.

What's your favorite thing about Black men? 

Their complexion, oh my goodness! A nice brown tone is just amazing. And you can't be ashy. That's gross. 

Would you date men of other races? Why or why not?

No. I'm just not attracted to any other races. I can recognize a handsome or attractive man of any race, but it's not going any further than that. You gotta be a certain complexion to ride this ride. [laughs]

If you could tell Black men everywhere the most perfect piece of advice, what would it be?

Don't be on that bullsh#t. Stop being selfish and be upfront about what you want. And stop being back-and-forth. Nobody has time for that. AND stop lying so much, damn!

If you could pick anyone in the world to take on a romantic date, who would it be?

DERWIN! Pooch Hall. 

Name: Stephan

Age: 23

Occupation: Full Time: Student, Part Time: Customer Service

Hometown: Fort Washington, MD by way of Queens, NY

Relationship Status: Single

What physical attributes attract you to a woman?

Long legs, nice butt, nice teeth and eyes.

What intangible characteristics do you find important?

Confidence, there's somethings to be said for someone who can walk into a room and say nothing at all and still be seen off of charisma alone. Someone that has a colorful personality, I like someone that has many different interests and someone I can talk to without feeling like we're talking about nothing even though we probably are.

What's your favorite thing about Black women?

I see strength in black women. That's not to say that I don't see strength in other races but that's just a characteristic that always jumps out at me when I think of my sisters.

Would you date women of other races? Why or why not?

Yes, I am child of many different races and cultures and as such I am attracted to many different things. However, when I look at one race over another I'm not looking at the same things. I'm looking at the differences, in a good way. 

If you could tell Black women Everywhere the most perfect piece of advice, what would it be?

Because you have had the weight of the world on your shoulders doesn't mean that the strength you've earned needs to become the anger you feel. Those who notice your struggle appreciate it. 

If you could pick anyone in the world to take on a romantic date, who would it be?

Stacey Dash, enough said!

If you want to be featured in a "What Do You Want?!" post, email JadoreMissEmme@gmail.com with "interview" as the subject. 

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

A Dream Deferred

I was listening to Wale's "Ambitious Girl" track off of his More About Nothing mixtape [which I do often] and was fascinated by his admiration of a young woman who chases her dreams. He described it as a turn-on saying things like, "...your drive drives me crazy" and "...your productivity is the reason I interest." It's definitely a fitting song for the young women at my university, especially the ones I surround myself with; young Black women who are dream chasers.

This same song also left me reflecting on the famous quote from I Think I Love My Wife, "You can lose lots of money chasing women, but you will NEVER lose women chasing money." This adage doesn't particularly hold true for women. There has always been a plethora of stories, especially about Black women, losing out on love because they chose a more ambitious route. Why don't men chase the dream chasers?

Black women have so much more to lose in the pursuit of our dreams, sacrificing relationships, pushing emotions to the side and losing out personal time, having to strive a little bit harder than everyone else. There are those that push through and see their endeavors come to fruition. Others put themselves to the side and watch their dreams slip away. The truth is we can have it all, just not all at the same time.

It depends on what's important and when it becomes important. Priorities change with time, but I'm definitely using my youth to better myself, strive for my goals and grow as a person. How can I expect so much from a partner if I'm not bringing anything to the table? Let's call it evenly yoked, on all levels. 

I've spoken with more experienced career women that have all met with the same challenge. Compromise. Some working harder in their fields in order to support their families and some slowing down on their career paths because they desired families. They all managed to find a balance, whether it meant sacrificing one thing or another. 

But where does that leave the 20 year old college junior with entrepreneurial aspirations? And the 23 year old fresh out of a university looking for a graduate school in a new state? We are least likely to have serious obligations forcing us to make those sacrifices. Yet, we face some of our counterparts who believe the choice is simple. It's one thing to consider the future plans of a significant other and another to allow your own plans to fall by the wayside. 

How much would you compromise in the name of love? Is seeking independence a man deterrent? Where are the men chasing the dream chasers [Is Wale the only one? LOL]? Is the premise of Deliver Us From Eva a prevalent reality? 

Too unrealistic?

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

He Doesn't Know It

If you can't tell, I enjoy the genius of Nina Simone. One of my all time favorite songs is "He Needs Me." So, as an interlude to the regular posts I'm tossing this video into the mix. Hope you enjoy it.

He needs meHe doesn't know it, but he needs meAnd so no matter where he goes Though he doesn't care He knows that I'm there 
He needs meI ought to leave him, but he needs meI know that I ain't very bright Just to tag aloneOh, but right or wrongI'm his and I'm hereAnd I'm gonna be his friend or his lover
'Cause my one ambition isTo wake him and make him discoverThat he needs meI've got to follow where he leads meOr else he'll never know that I need him Just as he needs me 
bisou,bisouMiss Emme

What Do You Want?! : The Pioneers

This is the first post [outside of my own] of the "What Do You Want?!" feature. Every week, I'll be spotlighting a young man and young woman who were brave enough to disclose their preferences. These two can be considered the pioneers because they were the first to respond to my request [thanks a million!]. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Thomas...

Name: Thomas N. Wynder

Age: early 20s 

Occupation:  Fashion Retail Management

Hometown: Detroit, MI [DETROIT WHAT!!!!!]

Relationship Status: Single

What physical attributes attract you to a woman? 

Height, I'm 6'4"...

What intangible attributes do you find important? 

Intelligence, confidence, class, culture, drive. 

What's your favorite thing about Black women? 

Their uniqueness. 

Would you date women of other races? Why or why not? 

Depends on what we mean by date... Casually, yes. Seriously, no. As my mother once told me, it is the ultimate disrespect to bring someone home to your mother who has nothing in common with her. 

If you could tell Black women everywhere the most perfect piece of advice, what would it be? 

Pursue what it is that you desire from life, not a man. 

This one's for fun! If you could pick anyone in the world to take on a romantic date, who would it be? 

Halle Berry

...and Tamille!

Name: Tamille

Age: 23

Occupation: Library Office Aide

Hometown: Brooklyn, NY

Relationship Status: Single

What physical attributes attract you to a man?

I'm pretty flexible when it comes to looks. I think beauty comes in all shades and forms. 

What intangible characteristics do you find important? 

Honesty, integrity, intelligence, dependability, loyalty. 

What's your favorite thing about Black men?

Sharing a common culture. I've dated outside my race before and sometimes when you make a joke about childhood or being raised by a black mother they don't get it but you know a black man is going to know exactly what you're talking about. 

Would you date men of other races?  Why or why not?

I've done it twice, because like I said beauty comes in all shades and forms. What's more important to me is how he treats me. 

If you could tell Black men everywhere the most perfect piece of advice, what would it be? 

If you come across a real woman in your life don't mess around and loose her. You'll regret later. 

This one's for fun! If you could pick anyone in the world to take on a romantic date, who would it be?

Drake or Aubrey Graham or Wheelchair Jimmy, whatever you know him as lol

Thank you guys! It was a treat to receive these!!

If you want to be featured in a "What Do You Want?!" post, email JadoreMissEmme@gmail.com with "interview" in the subject. 

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

Natural Hair + Black Men= ?

In celebration of my first "Big Chop" anniversary, I wanted to touch on my experience with natural hair in the dating realm. When I first decided to transition from relaxed to natural hair, I was already in a serious relationship. My boyfriend was supportive of my choice as long as I didn't end up with a low ceasar. 

December 2009

I was concerned about growing my hair long enough before cutting off my relaxed ends. He expressed that I should practice the virtue of patience. I had only made it about five months before the scissors began to call my name. I stood in my bathroom for two hours carefully cutting away at my own mane. I panicked. I was afraid of what I had done to myself, afraid that I had made myself ugly and definitely afraid to tell him what I had done.

I waited 24 hours and sent him a picture. I anxiously awaited the response. "Well, it was nice while it lasted," was the reply I received. I was in shock and in tears. I took him seriously and according to him that was supposed to be a joke. I never found it funny. 

I wanted to be natural and I wasn't overly concerned about what other people thought. As soon as I cut it all off, the insecurities came flooding in. Did I look like a boy? Did I make a mistake? Does my boyfriend hate it? Do I hide my hair until I'm comfortable? I struggled. 

I always wondered if other naturals were concerned about how their choice would affect their relationships or dating prospects. Or if their significant others were open-minded enough to accept the change and confident enough to defend the tresses, long, short, relaxed or natural. Sometimes, Black men's insecurities are reflected in the women that they date; with women having to appear a certain way for their own comfort. 

November 2010

Another question that has remained in the back of my mind was about the type of men natural hair attracts. I notice that more seemingly Afrocentric and artistic men and loc wearers approach a natural girl. We get called things like "sister" and "queen." Do those men see natural-haired women in a different light? Do other men see natural-haired women as unapproachable?

If my curls deflect men of my interest, maybe those men should have never been on my mind in the first place. Do you think that natural or relaxed hair makes a difference?

About two months after my "big chop," my boyfriend saw my hair in person for the first time. It wasn't so bad, after all. He liked it better than he thought he would. My hair being natural actually didn't matter much. I had fussed over nothing. He was interested in me and that meant accepting my curls as part of the package.

bisou, bisou
Miss Emme

What Do You Want?! : The Quest

In the last post, I announced that I was going to begin my quest of finding out what Black men want. No, I am not being biased. I'm also interviewing Black women to found out what they want from their counterparts. Together, we're going to disperse myths, create realistic views and demystify the dating realm. 

These posts will be popping up soon! So, I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes about love. 

"Love, I find, is like singing. Everybody can do enough to satisfy themselves, though it may not impress the neighbors as being very much." -Zora Neale Hurston 

Update--


My friends have convinced me to give a preview of the "What Do You Want" profile by posting my own!


Name: Miss Emme
Age: 22
Occupation: Student
Hometown: Brooklyn, New York
Relationship Status: Single

What physical attributes attract you to a man?
Teeth, I love a great smile. A tall man is definitely preferred; so are warm eyes, smooth skin and basketball player's frame. I also like a strong sense of personal style. A man in a well-tailored suit always gets bonus points.

What intangible characteristics do you find important?
I value honesty and openness; and an intelligent man that can hold a conversation and leave me with something new. Generosity is very important, so is a quirky sense of humor. A gentlemen with confidence and ambition is very sexy.

What is your favorite thing about Black men?
Their strength and their ability to persevere.

Would you date men of other races? Why or why not?
I would. I've always been open to the idea. There's no particular reason why or why not.

If you could tell Black men everywhere the most perfect piece of advice, what would it be?
Give women everything that you want in return.

This one's for fun! If you could pick anyone in the world to take on a romantic date, who would it be?
I have three! Idris Elba, Common and Wale. They're each very different men. It'd be interesting to interact with them all.

There it is! The first "What Do You Want" profile. Let me know what you think!

bisou, bisou 

Miss Emme