Majoring in Marriage

Homecoming week has just ended at my university. The Bears led us to another victory and campus was swarming with students, alumni and visitors. Towards the end of the festivities of Saturday evening, I sat outside of our Jenkins Building for some fresh air. An older man sat next to me and asked me if I was okay. I told him that I was fine. He asked what my classification was, about my major and a range of other small-talk questions. Finally, he had asked me if I had found my husband, yet. Jokingly, I told him that I was divorced and asked him if he had found his wife. 

He had. He found her in 1991 during their freshmen year. They entered Greek life at the same time and graduated together. They hadn't been apart since. It was so Bill and Camille. 

This was the fantasy. The fantasy that so many young women leave for college with. Either by boyfriend with promise ring in tow or a husband-seeking missile, the fairytale ending to a college career seems to include an engagement ring.

Is it fair to us to indulge in such a legend? Women already outnumber men on most college campuses. And honestly, it's hard enough managing academics, a social life and other extracurricular activities without the joys and pains of a serious relationship. 

But we want it all, the perfect schedule, the perfect internship, the perfect friends and the perfect man. There are those girls [aliens sent from another planet] that seemingly juggle it all. And those one-in-a-million, college sweetheart relationships do exist and end up in beautiful marriages. Then there are those that venture out into the world of independence after college and find the same happy relationships at 30 and 35. 

I believe that there is absolutely no need to rush yourself into a relationship. My 22 year-old self looks back at my 18 year-old self entering college and shakes her head at inexperience and naivete. Yet, I'm still not prepared for the marriage route, ever teetering between the thought of white picket fences and suburban living and the fast, city, single life. Hopefully, I'll find the medium between the two; fast, city, married life would be ideal.

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

Preferences & Pedestals

I mentioned that an article in the November issue of Essence is what sparked my interest in addressing Black women and relationships. Demetria L. Lucas, often referred to as the "Black Carrie Bradshaw," penned a piece entitled "Us vs. Them", questioning the reasons behind the dating preferences of Black men. 

Generally, the article pointed out that Black men tend to put women of other races on a pedestal and that there preferences were based on what they didn't like about Black women. I had to agree with Ms. Lucas. I have definitely come across the complaints of Black men wishing that Black women were more supportive like white women, more coddling like Latina women or subservient like Asian women. 

There is nothing wrong with an independent, opinionated, self-sufficient woman, period. There is something wrong with the fact that Black women get so much flack for having those attributes. We are not all finger-waving, neck-rolling, attitude-having harpies.

I brought the conversation to my friends, five other women and one man. There was one particular point that struck a chord for me. My friend brought up that men and women of other races are rarely ever caught up in downing their cultural counterparts in justification of their preferences. I have yet to come across the opposite, but often run into Black men looking for the "best race" to date and Black women considering dating outside of their race because Black men "ain't sh*t." 

And of course there is the standard of beauty issue. Are our men suffering from "Kardashian Syndrome," in love with long hair, lighter or fair skin and exotic features and not wanting to deal with scarf-wrapped head at night? Why are the cultural behaviors of other women so preferred? That leads me to wonder if Black men appreciate the cultural behaviors of their mothers, sisters and aunts? Better yet, what are they instilling into their daughters? 

I am partial to Black men, but have never completely dismissed men of other races. And I've never belittled a Black man to legitimize what I generally like about men. What's your preference? 

Finally, do Black men really insult us to exalt other races of women?

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

Earth Girls Aren't Easy: The Shift

I guess talking about relationships and the dynamic between men and women in general is going to require me to be a bit candid, huh? Well, here goes nothing.

I was recently emancipated from a serious relationship of almost two years. I can't pinpoint the particular moment, but there was a shift. After we incurred the dreaded "break," there was a shift in communication, in priorities and the direction of the relationship.

I wanted the same things, but on my terms. Where I felt I couldn't express myself to him, I poured out to Twitter because deep down inside I knew what I had to say wouldn't lead to anything positive. I found interest in the happenings with other people, where I should've kept my interest in him. We had our problems, like any couple, but we were still invested. We eventually wanted to be married. He tried to be a good partner, but I was detached and he knew it. 

He was everything I wanted and everything I didn't want all wrapped in one. So here lies my question, why do women remain in relationships when instincts tell them otherwise? Are we afraid of sacrificing our relationships for our own feelings? And do we bury how we feel just to get by?

Looking back, I definitely believe the lingering is more painful to both parties than addressing the issues.

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

One Last Romp?

I miss you, lovelies! I recently received a tweet from a fellow blogger, Mannie from FreshHonesty.com, that really touched and inspired me. I really hope he doesn't mind me talking about him! He asked me if I had visited his site, which I do regularly [his growth has been amazing]. But what really hit home for me was when he told me that he never forgot that I inspired him to start. It was that simple. 

I was thinking about how amazing that is and then wondered to myself why I stopped writing. I was definitely tired of writing the entertainment randomness that I truly enjoyed, but everyone does it. I tried the natural hair stint and never got it off the ground. Mannie's comment and an article in the November issue of Essence [yes, I'm still reading Essence, don't beat me] about relationships inspired me to try a new route. 

J'adore Miss Emme is taking the relationship path. I recently got out of a serious relationship and it left me examining myself, my relationship and other issues surrounding Black women and love. So let's talk about love. Are you with me? 

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

I've Moved on to Manes

Hello there lovelies! I am here to tell you that I've moved! I'm currently working on a new blog project called "Media Manes with Miss Emme" for you all to enjoy. It's brand new and will be getting into natural hair and it's sudden popularity in the media. Follow me here... 

bisou bisou

miss.εmmε™

Shy Ronnie, Speak UP!

Rihanna recently appeared on SNL and actually performed in a skit. The Shy Ronnie skit was pretty cute and played on the idea of her being an experienced singer of hooks. Take a look, lovelies. 

bisou bisou

miss.εmmε™

Who's Hot

I know, I know. She's been featured before, but she absolutely murdered this look in this silver, Roland Mouret mermaid dress. Zoe Saldana attended the premiere of the highly anticipated film, Avatar. The Dominican stunner plays Neytiri in the James Cameron film, in theaters December 18th.  

Sorry... no fella this time around!

bisou bisou

miss.εmmε™

Gotta Love Cudi

Lovelies, you all know I have an affinity for the young Scott Mescudi! To my delight the video for his latest single, Pursuit of Happiness, was recently released. It was directed by an unlikely character, Josh Hartnett and has this dope slow-mo effect, while he remains in real time. Everyone knows things cooler in slow motion [ lol ]. Well enjoy it!

Kid Cudi Pursuit Happiness

bisou bisou
miss.εmmε™