Preferences & Pedestals

I mentioned that an article in the November issue of Essence is what sparked my interest in addressing Black women and relationships. Demetria L. Lucas, often referred to as the "Black Carrie Bradshaw," penned a piece entitled "Us vs. Them", questioning the reasons behind the dating preferences of Black men. 

Generally, the article pointed out that Black men tend to put women of other races on a pedestal and that there preferences were based on what they didn't like about Black women. I had to agree with Ms. Lucas. I have definitely come across the complaints of Black men wishing that Black women were more supportive like white women, more coddling like Latina women or subservient like Asian women. 

There is nothing wrong with an independent, opinionated, self-sufficient woman, period. There is something wrong with the fact that Black women get so much flack for having those attributes. We are not all finger-waving, neck-rolling, attitude-having harpies.

I brought the conversation to my friends, five other women and one man. There was one particular point that struck a chord for me. My friend brought up that men and women of other races are rarely ever caught up in downing their cultural counterparts in justification of their preferences. I have yet to come across the opposite, but often run into Black men looking for the "best race" to date and Black women considering dating outside of their race because Black men "ain't sh*t." 

And of course there is the standard of beauty issue. Are our men suffering from "Kardashian Syndrome," in love with long hair, lighter or fair skin and exotic features and not wanting to deal with scarf-wrapped head at night? Why are the cultural behaviors of other women so preferred? That leads me to wonder if Black men appreciate the cultural behaviors of their mothers, sisters and aunts? Better yet, what are they instilling into their daughters? 

I am partial to Black men, but have never completely dismissed men of other races. And I've never belittled a Black man to legitimize what I generally like about men. What's your preference? 

Finally, do Black men really insult us to exalt other races of women?

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

Earth Girls Aren't Easy: The Shift

I guess talking about relationships and the dynamic between men and women in general is going to require me to be a bit candid, huh? Well, here goes nothing.

I was recently emancipated from a serious relationship of almost two years. I can't pinpoint the particular moment, but there was a shift. After we incurred the dreaded "break," there was a shift in communication, in priorities and the direction of the relationship.

I wanted the same things, but on my terms. Where I felt I couldn't express myself to him, I poured out to Twitter because deep down inside I knew what I had to say wouldn't lead to anything positive. I found interest in the happenings with other people, where I should've kept my interest in him. We had our problems, like any couple, but we were still invested. We eventually wanted to be married. He tried to be a good partner, but I was detached and he knew it. 

He was everything I wanted and everything I didn't want all wrapped in one. So here lies my question, why do women remain in relationships when instincts tell them otherwise? Are we afraid of sacrificing our relationships for our own feelings? And do we bury how we feel just to get by?

Looking back, I definitely believe the lingering is more painful to both parties than addressing the issues.

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

One Last Romp?

I miss you, lovelies! I recently received a tweet from a fellow blogger, Mannie from FreshHonesty.com, that really touched and inspired me. I really hope he doesn't mind me talking about him! He asked me if I had visited his site, which I do regularly [his growth has been amazing]. But what really hit home for me was when he told me that he never forgot that I inspired him to start. It was that simple. 

I was thinking about how amazing that is and then wondered to myself why I stopped writing. I was definitely tired of writing the entertainment randomness that I truly enjoyed, but everyone does it. I tried the natural hair stint and never got it off the ground. Mannie's comment and an article in the November issue of Essence [yes, I'm still reading Essence, don't beat me] about relationships inspired me to try a new route. 

J'adore Miss Emme is taking the relationship path. I recently got out of a serious relationship and it left me examining myself, my relationship and other issues surrounding Black women and love. So let's talk about love. Are you with me? 

bisou, bisou

Miss Emme

I've Moved on to Manes

Hello there lovelies! I am here to tell you that I've moved! I'm currently working on a new blog project called "Media Manes with Miss Emme" for you all to enjoy. It's brand new and will be getting into natural hair and it's sudden popularity in the media. Follow me here... 

bisou bisou

miss.εmmε™

Shy Ronnie, Speak UP!

Rihanna recently appeared on SNL and actually performed in a skit. The Shy Ronnie skit was pretty cute and played on the idea of her being an experienced singer of hooks. Take a look, lovelies. 

bisou bisou

miss.εmmε™

Who's Hot

I know, I know. She's been featured before, but she absolutely murdered this look in this silver, Roland Mouret mermaid dress. Zoe Saldana attended the premiere of the highly anticipated film, Avatar. The Dominican stunner plays Neytiri in the James Cameron film, in theaters December 18th.  

Sorry... no fella this time around!

bisou bisou

miss.εmmε™

Gotta Love Cudi

Lovelies, you all know I have an affinity for the young Scott Mescudi! To my delight the video for his latest single, Pursuit of Happiness, was recently released. It was directed by an unlikely character, Josh Hartnett and has this dope slow-mo effect, while he remains in real time. Everyone knows things cooler in slow motion [ lol ]. Well enjoy it!

Kid Cudi Pursuit Happiness

bisou bisou
miss.εmmε™

J'adore Him

The holiday season is soon upon us and if you haven't done your shopping already, here's a couple of cool conceptual gifts for the men you adore. I ALWAYS have trouble shopping for guys, but if all the coolest guys in the world lived in my head this is what they'd get. [ lol ]

THE GROOMER

 I'm sure every masculine manscaper would appreciate an authentic shave kit. I think of one of my only male cousins who appreciates an excellent haircut and well kept facial hair. This kit is from the high end company, The Art of Shaving, $150. It includes a Gillette Fusion Chrome Collection razor with pre-shave oil, shaving cream, a badger brush and after shave balm.  

THE GADGET JUNKIE

Got that good guy friend who's all gadgets, but wears glasses that look like they're from the 60s? He's modern and retro all rolled in one. Personally, you couldn't go wrong with a Retro Duo SNES Console. I mean it plays all old school Nintendo SNES and NES games! I even want this, but that's just me. The console runs for about $50 at Think Geek.

Another gadget that caught my eye is for the music lover/iPod enthusiast. This is specially for someone like my significant other, who dabbles in the art of DJing. I think the iDJ iPod 2 Channel Mixer by Numark is definitely something out of the box and thoughtful. The mixer is about $160 on Amazon.

THE SHOPPER

I don't think there's ever been an age where I've been so self-conscious when it comes to buying clothing and accesories for a man. Highly fashion conscious and in the pursuit of personal style, men have become especially difficult to buy clothes for. Dad being the only exception; he always appreciates a fine tie. But this holiday season a stylish cardigan goes a long way. The grey collegiate sweater from AE is about $50. The Buffalo Plaid Sweater from the Gap, also comes in a great red color for $80.

 

I also think that every dapper fellow needs a pair of great cuff links. Just make sure he has the proper shirts pre-purchase. I've learned that lesson the hard way. Hmmph! David Donahue makes an array of cool cuff links that you can find at Nordstrom's and this pair of knot links are $125.

THE FOODIE

This set is for the Food Network junkies that like to experiment in the kitchen and eat really great food. And nothing could please a foodie more than premium cookware. Get your favorite guy his Iron Chef starter kit [ lol ] from Cookware.com. Calphalon's Simply Stainless II 10 pc. set, $200, will not only make him smile, but get lots of use in dinners being made for you.  

And if all else fails, lovelies, can't go wrong with a gift card!

bisou bisou
miss.εmmε™